GRIEF SUCKS! BY CATHERINE HALL
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WELCOME TO GRIEF SUCKS!
WELCOME TO GRIEF SUCKS!
The Author
The Author
Catherine Hall
Jacques and Catherine - December 2024 - Cape Town
A very young 16-year-old is at Wonderboom Airport, in a Cessna airplane. Her brother is getting his pilot license and took me along for the ride. That is, until the plane stalled.
For real.
I was not paying attention to the two of them in the cockpit the entire trip — it's very noisy, and now and again I heard a laugh. Not only because the engines and the front propellers are now not turning and making noise, but you — meaning me — is screaming. Because you are diving. You literally bend your back backwards with your arms next to your sides as you stare down from a plane that should not be pointing at the ground.
Let that sit with you for a minute. Think about it. You sat. And now, still with your belt on, you are fully standing.
I'm not proud of it, but I will admit it. I did discover upon landing that there was a certain liquid spilled during the descent.
That day taught me something I only understood much later: trust can survive pure terror, and sometimes the people who love you are the ones flying the plane when it stalls.
Years later, life stalled and crashed in a more permanent way. There was no practice run. The engines did not return.
I still think about that Cessna. About how completely I trusted my brother. About the moment the noise stopped and the screaming started. I don't know if I'm braver now. I know I don't skydive anymore. I know I'm different. And I don't want to feel like I'm the only one who's ever had the ground disappear from under them.
I'm still here. Still learning how to fly the thing myself.
Things that I can tell you about my books and my writings — it's honest, it's pure, it's raw, and it's brutally naked. And to be able to share that with you, the reader, my most precious companion in this journey called Life — I thank you.
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WELCOME TO THE OTHER SIDE OF GRIEF!
WELCOME TO THE OTHER SIDE OF GRIEF!
If you're looking for real but not neat answers..."
"This is the book I wish someone had handed me..."
You want a quick 5-step fix for grief,
You prefer toxic positivity and 'everything happens for a reason,
You think time alone heals everything,
You'd rather avoid talking about death altogether,
You want a clinical textbook, not lived experience,
You believe grief should be private and silent
"If you’re looking for neat answers, spiritual bypassing, or someone to tell you grief gets easier — this isn’t for you. This book is messy, honest, and refuses to pretty it up."
You’re tired of people telling you how you should grieve,
You want language for what feels unspeakable,
You need permission to not 'move on',
You crave real stories, not Instagram quotes,
You want to support someone who is grieving, for real,
You know grief sucks — and you want to make it suck less
"This is the book I wish someone had handed me in the waiting room. No fixing, no preaching. Just a friend who gets it, with tools that actually help when everything falls apart."
HOW GRIEF SUCKS!
HOW GRIEF SUCKS!
INTO THE LAVA
Grief Sucks! plunges you from the Observation Deck — where you can see the chaos from above — straight into the lava of it. The Author wants you to experience the absolute nightmare of losing the one person you loved most in the world. Your spouse.
Uncontrollable sobbing. The bed becomes your enemy.
To understand the nightmare we need to look at the Pain, which the book captures with extraordinary precision. The physical symptoms. Grievers aren't simply experiencing a psychological mood. They are enduring a profound neurobiological trauma. Because grief isn't just something you feel. It changes the way you think, function, remember, relate, decide — and survive.
BROKEN SOBBING
THE BED - THE ENEMY
The book describes how a widow can suddenly forget something she did five minutes ago. She'll put the car keys in the refrigerator. That is stolen too. And that's only the beginning. You will learn about funeral arrangements, government bureaucracy and red tape — and the absolute devastation of everything that follows.
CONSTANT ACHE
IN THE FRIDGE
The grief isn't just an emotional state. It is a structural collapse of the entire environment the survivor lives in. Because at first glance, society sees only the single point of loss. Your husband died. Here are some flowers. Right? But actually, you lose something much bigger. You lose the version of yourself that only existed within that specific relationship. And suddenly, you have to figure out who the hell you are without it.
NO MUSIC EVER!
The grief isn't just an emotional state. It is a structural collapse of the entire environment the survivor lives in. This part is written for the One who stayed behind. The widow needs this book because it validates the absolute disorienting terror of that collapse.
Because at first glance, society sees only the single point of loss.
Your husband died. Here are some flowers. Right?
But actually, you lose something much bigger.
You lose the version of yourself that only existed within that specific relationship.
And suddenly, you have to figure out who the hell you are without it.
CAN'T GO OUTSIDE
HEAR GRIEF'S VOICE
8. Precise Hour (1).MP3Put on your headphones. Turn up the volume.
WHY GRIEF SUCKS!
SINGLE OCCUPANT
SINGLE OCCUPANT
When your young, your estate consists of a Motel. Lots of temporary "visitors", cheap and fequent use. Your Single and still forming yourself.
DOUBLE OCCUPANCY
DOUBLE OCCUPANCY
You have met the "One". Your married, unified and both your Motels merge into a Hotel. It gets constructed trhough shared experiences.
1.5 OCCUPANCY
1.5 OCCUPANCY
Your Hotel is Demolished because half of it was formed by your partner whom is no passed. You need to retire to a Villa, which is about solitary rest.
THE DEMOLITION
THE DEMOLITION
Grief is in the form of the Assessor. When she shows up on site, she immediately orders the demolition. Without your Permission.
She doesnt ask for it.
She goes to work to try and assess what to keep, what to break, what to destroy, and what to build.
She opertes in the background while you deal with everyday, every hour, every second - just surviving, breathing.
And sometimes, you can actually hear the demolition of the Hotel. The Hotel that you and your partner built over the years. The hotel you called home.
And then she orders the interrogations. Of the Parts. Who is doing what now that the HOTEL is in ruin. What have they have been doing so far and what needs to be done at the new home that take shape.
THE INTERROGATIONS
THE INTERROGATIONS
This is the most eye-opening insight into what is actually going on inside you when you lose a Spouse. The Staff running your Hotel — currently being demolished. The Assessor interrogates them all. What they did, why they did it, what motivated it. She issues new orders for each one. That is the real beauty of the Gift. Understanding.
In order to understand grief and loss — and the impact they have on all the systems described above — you need to interrogate the ones causing the chaos. And to do that, the book personifies Grief in the form of "the Assessor."
She arrives at the rubble of the hotel completely unannounced. She doesn't ask for permission. She sets up a desk in the lobby. And the internal staff represents all the fragmented parts of the griever's psyche and biology — Body, Ego, Soul, Heart.
It's a brilliant way to map trauma, because when you're in the acute phase of trauma, the pain is one monolithic, suffocating thing. But by giving that chaos a geographical map — Ego in the lobby, Fear in the hallway, the nervous system running around putting out fires — the griever can, from there, step back and observe their own internal chaos.
YOUR SOUL SEARCHES
EGO USES PRIDE
It separates the pure pain of the loss from the secondary suffering — the confusion, fear and terror of not understanding what's happening. And in that separation, the griever gets back a small fraction of agency. Because the reader isn't looking for someone to tell them that everything is going to be okay. They are looking for validation that this horror makes sense.
The book answers the spiritual question of why it hurts so much with a brutal truth:
GRIEF IS NOT A MENTAL ILLNESS. IT IS THE PRICE OF LOVE.
Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. It's often triggered by severe emotional distress like the sudden death of a loved one. The brain releases stress hormones — primarily adrenaline — and this surge is so overwhelming that it essentially stuns the heart muscle. So the heart is literally changing shape under the weight of the grief. It mimics the exact symptoms of a classic heart attack. Shortness of breath, crushing chest pain.
Endogenous opioids, dopamine, and vasopressin. When we bond deeply with a partner, our brains reward us for it — and these chemical bonds don't just switch off when the person is gone.
This is truly the most eye opening, first hand insight into what is actually going on inside of you when you lose a Spouse. Let me introduce you to the Crew. The Staff running your Hotel. The one currently being demolished.
Left to Right: Body, Attachment, Ego, Soul, The Assessor (Grief), Heart, Brain, Memory, Fear and Nervous System.
HOW TO MAKE GRIEF SUCK LESS!
The book speaks to three audiences: the one who stayed behind, the two who are still alive, and the people who will eventually stand beside someone going through loss.
But these aren't three separate reading paths.
EVERYONE READS EVERYTHING.
The widow needs the whole book. The couple preparing for the future needs the whole book. And the person standing beside someone in the rubble needs the whole book.
The difference is not what you read.
The difference is why you might need it.
The book doesn't offer a single solution to grief. It builds an entire system around it.
For “the one who stayed behind”, there are more than “45 practical instructions” covering the immediate aftermath — what to do now, what not to do, how to deal with people, paperwork, funeral decisions, bureaucracy and the bizarre, humiliating little moments that nobody prepares you for.
Like trying not to cry in the baked-bean aisle at the grocer.
These aren't abstract lessons about “the grieving process”. They are instructions for navigating the rubble. Because when the hotel has been demolished, someone has to tell you where to start.
The widow needs the whole book. The couple preparing for the future needs the whole book. And the person standing beside someone in the rubble needs the whole book.
And then there is “The Grim Parachute”.
For this excellent Survival Kit we have created a dedicated page on this website. You have to purchase the Book first and when you get to Part 7 - you purchase the Grim Parachute. Check it out.
And then there is “When It Is Suicide”.
Because not every death leaves the same kind of trauma.
The Houston Protocol deals specifically with the person who discovers the body — recognising that the visual experience of finding someone dead can create a different layer of trauma that needs to be understood and addressed.
This is why the book doesn't stop at being a book.
YOU DIED. YOUR STUFF DID NOT.
YOU DIED. YOUR STUFF DID NOT.
Visit the Digital Afterlife Page for information. Then take the 3min Test to see if your digital footprint is actually in order. Once you take the test, your results will be emailed to you with a Free Copy of the Digital AfterLife Guide.
Visit the page for more details.
It becomes an ecosystem.
There are 45 instructions.
There are 9 interrogations by the Assessor.
There are 30 Tasks Houston Protocol.
There are 20 Guidelines for the Digital Afterlife.
There are 6 Jumps.
There are 7 role cards.
There is the 2 Study Guides.
There is the 1 audio.
There is the FREE digital afterlife guide.
There are practical tools that can be taken out of the book and used in the real world.
Every component is designed to do something different. But they all belong to the same system.
“EVERYONE READS EVERYTHING.”
The widow reads it because she needs to understand what is happening to her.
The couple reads it because they can prepare before the crisis.
The family and friends read it because one day they may be standing in the rubble beside someone they love.
And when that day comes, they won't be walking into the rubble completely unprepared.
They will know what the hotel was.
They will understand why it collapsed.
They will understand who is inside the rubble.
And, hopefully, they will know where to start rebuilding.
That is how “Grief Sucks” tries to make grief suck less.
Not by pretending that it doesn't suck.
By giving the people inside the disaster a map.
THE GRIEF SUCKS SERIES!
THE GRIEF SUCKS SERIES!
You’re tired of people telling you how you should grieve,
You want language for what feels unspeakable,
You need permission to not 'move on',
You crave real stories, not Instagram quotes,
You want to support someone who is grieving, for real,
You know grief sucks — and you want to make it suck less
The Ultimate Toolkit and Survival Guide
The Ultimate Toolkit and Survival Guide
Kicking off the parachute — when everything falls apart, this deploys.
1 Instruction Pack
6 Jumps
5 Games
6 Worksheets
8 Debrief Sheets
8 Crisis Binder Pages
7 Role Cards
3 Letters
1 Eulogy
A structural & thematic companion for reviewers, editors & press. Mapping narrative architecture, tension arcs & stylistic choices. For professional evaluation and press review. Includes editorial analysis, thematic breakdown, and review prompts.
A companion for readers, book clubs & support groups. Reflections, exercises and group frameworks to go deeper. How to make it suck less — together. Includes discussion questions for each Jump, crisis binder prompts, and debrief sheets for group leaders.
THE BAR ACROSS THE ROAD!
THE BAR ACROSS THE ROAD!
In the Book there exists a scene with the People mentioned above and with our Author. They are at a Bar. And the Bar belongs to Death. We are all having a drink. And something very horrific is about to happen. Buy the book to find out.
Grief Sucks Free Sample.pdfEvery Major event in my life has a Song. And music is such an important part of existence and it is a very powerfull source. In Grief Sucks! I talk about Closer than Fear - which is the song I found when I was on the floor, busy compiling an exit plan. Then Nyra Noir found me. And this album became my Grief Anthem. It assisted me in healing beyond what any therapy could possibly have done. I have asked her permission to utilise it and she agreed. When you listen to this song, be sure you are alone, with the earphones on and you MUST listen to the full album because its a story with chapters and you need to get to the End. It is an amazing experience. One you should not deny yourself.
Enjoy.
CONTACT THE AUTHOR
Thank you for joining me on this Journey. If this book helps even just one Person, then I know this work has been worthwhile. It is quite a thing becomming a Shieldwidow when you have been a shieldmaiden all your life. The fact that I can share Jacques Story and intertwine it with my own is such an honor. But the biggest honor is that I get to share that with you - the Reader - the most treasured companion. I would love to hear from you. Please dont hesitate to contact me on the Link above. Grief doesnt need to be done in isolation.
The Shieldwidow
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